Be Well Prepared To Be a Parent

The debate discusses whether it is necessary and essential to have a father, a male parent, or a paternal relationship in a family for the parenting of children. One side of the debate is standing in the position as gender essentialist who believes that women and men have innate differences which are universally valid regardless of the social, ideological or intellectual construct, so fathers have a unique role in families which mothers cannot act. The other side insists on the perspective of non-essentialist that the key point is children must be raised in stable, loving families regardless of gender, sexual orientation or single-parent status. The last two passages discuss from different perspectives: the need for men to have chances to be fathers and the social pressure and prejudice on children in single mother families. Since the statement that children raised by two parents have better outcomes is irrefutable, instead of encouraging mothers to leave men who are not capable fathers or promoting a social culture of dual-parent family, the best adaptable suggestion is to educate the adults on the important role of the parent in a family so that each person can be well prepared to be a parent.

In reading the debate, evidently speaking, the argument from the perspective of a gender essentialist is less convincing than the non-essentialist. In order to support his viewpoint that children are better off with a father than without one, W. Bradford Wilcox cited a Princeton study which found that boys raised apart from their fathers were two to three times more likely to end up in jail before they turned 30. However, this study does not lead to a direct result proving fathers can ensure the better life of children. It is possible that most children who enjoy a better life come from a family with both parents. But the reason behind may probably be that at least there is one adult with active lifestyle and living values who not only sets up as a role model for parenting but also inspires the other spouse to become more responsible and loving. Each individual has one’s own peculiarity and different feathers. Children are born and raised up in various families. As one old Chinese saying “even an upright official finds it hard to settle a family quarrel,” it is an abrupt assertion to conclude that children with a father are better than children without one.

The statement of Juli Slattery in claiming Mom and Dad fill different roles is indefensible. The thought of current family value as a “disastrous erosion” is a mistaken understanding of the civilization progress on gender equality. The depiction of single moms as women who “sacrifice everything for the welfare of their children” and are “tragic” is just biased pre-assumption. The two particular emotional needs which Juli claims to be unique contributions from fathers are in fact not exclusively coming from a father. In the old times without much civilization and industrialization, it is possible what men can provide can never or hardly be given by women. However, that is when human life was heavily depending on the natural and agricultural harvest, as men are physically stronger than females. Nowadays, the sense of security is more relying on a psychological level. Mothers play an indispensable role in giving the new-born babies sense of security. After kids grow up, a feeling of safety is built up through the daily communication in a stable, loving family. The example of “ mom believes her son or daughter is a success no matter what” while a dad usually does not is definitely far from the reality of current family. Well-prepared parents would usually have the same standard of education to offer the same rules for the children.

The argument from non-essentialists is more convincing. In Terrance Heath’s essay, it is said that in 30 years, 67 studies have failed to find hard in gay parenting. The result is logically reasonable as explained later “same-sex parents, lacking any tradition of gender-based division of labor, may actually share parenting duties more equitably. Children of gay parents grow up without gendered assumptions about child care and housework.” It could also be common in ordinary families. The better both parents are educated; the more likely they would respect each other, the less liable to have fighting on issues such as who sacrifices more for the children. Because a family is a not a bond to sacrifice anyone for anyone, but a corporation for a better and happier living together. As what Michele Weldon says: “The reality is, many children are better off without their fathers,” it is too assertive to decide to have a father is better for the children without one. A real father is lucky and blessing for the children, but what if the father is an alcoholic addict, a drug taker, a domestic violence abuser? People should realize the existence of a male biologic father is not the key point. It is important to have a person with parenting capabilities to perform the paternal responsibility.

In considering both sides of the debate, the most acceptable and adaptable solution would be to offer the education for adults to be prepared for parents. In order to ensure high quality of service, people nowadays have to get all kinds of certificates to become professionals. In considering the role of parents, the most important jobs of human beings, why it isn’t necessary to have any education or even certification for people?